Thursday, November 15, 2012
Today the people were hung and the Salem witch trials has come to an end...... I feel so guilty for I know I did the devils work.... Maybe one day I will get the chance to redeem myself. Until that day comes I must ive with my guilt. I got scared and I ran with the rest of the girls. I said that John Proctor had threatened me. He did not... Just as I could not tell the truth. I should have owned up to the lies. instead I chose to fall right back within them.
Judge Danforth started by asking the girls to enter the room. At first, I believed that he would believe me. I thought that the girls would own up to their lies and help me protect the innocent but they did not. Instead they began to scream that I sent a cold wind upon them and that I had taken the shape of a bird. I was standing right there. Maybe if I could have fainted the judge would have believed me. I could not. I just could not.
I have the power to end all of this. To show the truth to everyone But I fear that no one will believe me. Yet, I know that I will do my best to tell the truth. As I sit here I wonder what will happen to me. John Proctor says that he will confess that he has committed adultery with Abigail Williams. He says that he knows it is his fault and that he loves his wife. I wonder.... If he loved he then why did he fancy Abby so much?
I cannot stand that girl! It is all my fault for keeping these lies. Revered Hale came with news that Goody Proctor has a warrant out for sending her spirit to stab Abigail Williams. I know that this is a lie. Abigail watched me put that needle in the poppet! John tells me that we go to the court tomorrow and speak the truth to the judges. I fear they will not believe me.
I had to protect Goody Proctors name today.Only I almost got whooped by Mr. Proctor for it. I was only trying to do the right thing for once. He was surprised as well as she to hear that her name has been mentioned. I am not surprised, for I know what Abigail has against Goody Proctor. So many lies, so many secrets. Things of which I cannot seem to shield myself from.
During court today i made Goody Proctor a poppet from the sewing kit she gave me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Abby looking curiously at it. Slowly i slid the needle back into the poppet, lost in thought of how ridiculous being here in the court room was. Sometimes I just want to stand and announce that we have all been mixed in lies. That everyone is innocent. I am just so scared of what Abby has threatened to do to me.
The accusing of the people is getting more obscene by the day! Children getting accused, elderly women without the strength to hurt a fly are accused. Men are accusing as a fight for their land. Where does the court see witchcraft in all of this non sense.It could all stop now. I feel as if i have the weight of all of the accused hangin' on my shoulder.
I have not much to say. I celebrated my eighteenth birthday today. It was a very bitter day with not a smile on any face. Not even my own mouth turns to a crescent moon to give the people a smile. With all of the accusing and court issues I wish I had never had a birthday. Never have been born. Goody Proctor did give me a beautiful sewing kit. It gave me a slight glow. It just was not enough to make me want to be alive.
Tituba! Tituba! Tituba! Abigail Williams is so self oriented... Does she not understnd the things she can do with her lies? She has spoken of a book. A book with only six names. Abby only spoke of Goody Good and Goody Osborn. She also said that Tituba make her laugh at church and drink the blood of a chicken. She came to me and many of the girls and told us lying would protect us from punishment. Really this seems so much worse. Innocent women are going to jail and I am at fault. I am scared. For I am now doing the Devil's work. The work that Abigail has laid upon me.
I did a terrible thing today.... I agreed to seeing Sarah Good and Sarah Osborn with the Devil, just as Abigail said. I hate that Abby lies! I want ot tell the truth. I just Cannot! I cannot do that to myself and many others. Yet, why am I able to put lies upon those who have done nothing. I am so terrified. I only mean to get past this nonsense. Tituba is going to jail and as i hear it so are the accused women of Salem.
I did a terrible thing today.... I agreed to seeing Sarah Good and Sarah Osborn with the Devil, just as Abigail said. I hate that Abby lies! I want ot tell the truth. I just Cannot! I cannot do that to myself and many others. Yet, why am I able to put lies upon those who have done nothing. I am so terrified. I only mean to get past this nonsense. Tituba is going to jail and as i hear it so are the accused women of Salem.
I am so confused! Abigail so easily opens her mouth and lets the lies slide out. I sat there today as she lied to Reverend Hale. She blames Tituba for everything. I do not believe we should be lying to her uncle, but she threaten to slice my throat if so as speak of the truth. Abigail would only keep from hurtin' Mr. Proctor. Urg!! I do not understand her sometimes. She is just so ignoraant. Oh, I cant judge her. I just cannot. I am to keep my mouth shut and pretend as if Abigail only tells truth.
Why must the people be so closed minded.... I do want to speak up. To tell the truth Yet, I cannot do it alone. I cannot. Rebecca Nurse is right. The children are just playing games, yet, why do all of the towns people turn their heads to her. As if she does not know a child. She knows. She has raised many and she knows when a child is really falling ill.
Why must the people be so closed minded.... I do want to speak up. To tell the truth Yet, I cannot do it alone. I cannot. Rebecca Nurse is right. The children are just playing games, yet, why do all of the towns people turn their heads to her. As if she does not know a child. She knows. She has raised many and she knows when a child is really falling ill.
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